AZ Day 5

Day 5 – Digging out and the New Relatives


Pre-note: I'm sorry if I got some names mixed up. I had a lot thrown at me in a short amount of time. If they're wrong, I'll straighten them out later.

I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to get out today because of yesterday’s storm. Gloucester got somewhere between six and ten inches. It was fluffy snow so I tried to figure out what I had to at least scrape off Karen’s front steps. The only thing I found that might work was my mini dust pan. Well, mini or not, it not only cleared off Karen’s front steps, it also dug out the van. I brushed off as much snow from the van as I could and got it dug out along with digging out two tire paths to the driveway. I also broke my trusty little “shovel” halfway through the job, but managed to finish it, anyway.

After all that was done, I e-mailed those who were important and said I was hitting the road but that it would take at least two hours to pack the van back up again and take a much-needed shower. I wondered if it was a lost cause to even take a shower as I figured that after I pulled the van out of the driveway and got it onto the clean main road, I’d only need another one.

By 2:00, I had showered and the van was packed. So, gathering all the umph I had in me, and trying to be as careful as possible, I backed the van out of its parking spot. I didn’t have any traction so I had to try a couple of times. My biggest mistake was pulling out straight backwards. The driveway is at an angle to the way I parked. I don’t exactly know what I drove up onto and I am very lucky that I didn’t get stuck in the snow. I also came extremely close to hitting a tree. Luckily I missed this one by about three inches. It appeared out of nowhere in my driver’s side window.

My first stop was Wal*Mart to purchase a new electric blanket and mini-dust pan. I later cursed myself for wasting so much precious time because I wouldn’t need either for another day or two. As it turned out, I had no time on Monday to purchase them and I did need the electric blanket on Monday night.

Destination today: Moyock, NC, to meet Bob DeCastillia – a somehow relation to my father or grandfather, yet I did not know that relationship yet. It was a 90 minute drive and it took me only two hours. Imagine that! The roads were horrendous. Newport News didn’t plow at all. The roads were part packed snow, part six inches of slush, part six inches of water, and part cleared. The major highways were completely clear, but some of the ramps were not touched. Amazingly, the only time I felt the van slip at all was on a very small patch of black ice.

Bob’s home is amazing. It is on the corner of two or three canals that lead out to the river and onto the Outer Banks. The home is raised on stilts, so the view is awesome, even though it looks out over other homes. They have a dog named Rattles, who was very sweet and to whom Hope took too much of a liking to. She thoroughly pissed me off by trying to mount Rattles every 30 seconds. That was nearly 18 hours of telling Hope, NO! and separating her from poor Rattles. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to be passive or aggressive. She either had her rump in Rattle’s face or she was trying to mount him. We’d throw them outside so that they could romp and play and get all that energy out, and they’d sit there and stare at each other. Dogs!

Bob had half of his family over so we could meet. First, of course, was his wife, Gabrielle. His two brothers couldn’t make it because of the bad road conditions and his son, Danny, got the message too late. Nancy (who first contacted me two years ago) was there with her boyfriend, Terry, and their two kids Andrew (or was that Anthony?) and Zack. Bob’s son, Rob, was there with his wife, G(?), who is from Bulgaria.

After dinner and after everyone went home, Bob brought out all the pictures he had and some of the family tree/genealogy information that someone else had given him. The relation: our grandfathers, Walter and Carlton, were brothers, which made our fathers, Carlton and Everett, first cousins, which makes Bob and I second cousins or 1st cousins removed.

After looking through many, many pictures, I came across one of a little boy with two adults. I said, “That little boy looks like my father.” As I picked up the picture and looked at the grown-ups, I thought that the male looked like my grandfather. I turned the picture over and there it was: Uncle Carlton, Aunt Jeanette, and Carlton’s son. Later, we found a picture of my father in his Navy uniform. The relationship is solidified.

So, I found yet one more reason why not having my own computer sux. I had recently scanned lots of pictures, many of which were of my grandparents and my parents. If I had my own computer, I could have shown those pictures to Bob and Gabrielle. I tried to have Frann e-mail them over, but my PC, I fear, has completely bit the dust.

Through conversation we found out that both of our fathers Everett and Carlton, served in the Navy. They both played the harmonica and accordion. Everett also played the ukulele and my Dad played the guitar. They were both artists and they were both only children. We also noticed some genetic resemblances such as thin legs, blue eyes, and barrel chests.

We wondered why the two brothers (grandfathers) were not close. The only thing I ever remember of my grandfather’s family was that they lived with his sister Jean (Jeanette) in Florida when they retired and became snowbirds. They even spelled their names differently. Carlton spelled his as I do, with the small d and apostrophe (de’Castillia), whereas Walter spelled his with a capital D and no apostrophe (DeCastillia). We sort of came to the conclusion that my grandfather may have been the black sheep of the family – excommunicated because he eloped and hitchhiked across the country with his new wife. Although I am not sure, because I was never really certain whether my grandparents were married or not, there is a possibility that they had to get married because she was pregnant with my father. They told me they got married on August 4th, the day after my grandmother turned 18. My father was born the following April. Not to bring up my family’s dirty laundry, but the simple fact that he may have been excommunicated from the family could be because his actions disgraced his parents. I never knew their religious background or upbringing, either, because neither my grandparents nor my father were religious. They were Episcopalian.

The saddest part, I found, was that Bob grew up in Long Island; I grew up in the New Haven area. We were, literally, arm's length apart and never knew it. I have no recollection of my father ever mentioning, let alone seeing, any of his cousins, aunts or uncles.

I had a wonderful time and am looking forward to building a closer relationship with Bob and Gabrielle. It feels good to have paternal family connections again, especially since I lost that side of the family when my grandmother passed away. Coincidentally, after feeling rather separated from my mother’s family, I am slowly reconnecting with my cousins. Although we’ve always been a close family with annual traditions, because of marriages and living so far away most of my adult years, I missed a lot of those gatherings – like the annual spaghetti picnic and New Year’s Eve. So I am now not only reconnecting with my maternal side of the family, I also have a new connection with my paternal side. I am beginning to feel whole.

One last thought – no pictures. I never once thought to take pictures of Bob and his family or his home or his dog. How stupid of me! I don’t know why I even bother to carry a camera.